You want to make a pie, da? Very good. First,...

You want to make a pie, da? Very good. First, you must have the right ingredients, otherwise your pie will be shit like western Capitalist pigs. Go to market and buy flour, sugar, butter, and eggs. Mix everything together, but not too much or you will ruin it like decadent homosexuals. Roll out the dough, put it in the dish, add some fruit or berries, and bake it in oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes. When it is done, take it out and let it cool, then sprinkle with powdered sugar like holy water on orthodox icons. Now you have delicious pie, better than any American apple pie, thanks to our superior Russian tradition. May God bless Mother Russia!